(well, you can’t really make people like you, but you can improve your chances with these 6 ways to make people like you)
1. Become genuinely interested in other people
People are pretty good at figuring out if someone is genuinely interested in what they are saying or if they are feigning interest for some ulterior motive. If you want to build real relationships and have better friendships, must must have a real interest in the other person. You can show this by asking them questions about themselves and finding areas about them that are intriguing. Great conversationalists can always find something about another person that is genuinely interesting and can provide a foundation for a good conversation.
2. Smile
We communicate more non-verbally than we do verbally. A general statistic is that only 7% of what we mean comes from the actual words we speak. That means that 93% of the meaning we convey in our communication comes through our tone of voice, our facial expressions, our body posture and our gestures. A genuine smile communicates to the other person that you enjoy them and your conversation and that they are pleasant to talk with. A smile is also contagious and can help to build trust – as long as it’s genuine.
3. Remember and Speak Their Name
A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Someone’s name is an intimate aspect of who they are as an individual. When you remember a person’s name and speak it back to them in your conversations, you are telling them that they are important and have value. I can remember when I was in seventh grade starting at a new school. As I walked those hallways the first day, I realized that I was alone and that no one knew me – I was terrified. I remember walking down the hall and seeing the principal. I was trembling, but he looked me in the eye with a smile and said “Jeff, it’s great to have you here with us and I hope everything is going ok for you today.” The fact that he knew my name was so powerful to me, that I remember this encounter in detail decades later. This shows the power of speaking someone’s name.
4. Be a good listener
When you listen to someone you will find out about what interests them and what is important to them. Listening doesn’t mean thinking about what you are going to say next, but rather trying to really understand the other person and where they are coming from. Asking questions that prompt the other person to clarify their thoughts and provide more information about themselves helps to show that you are engaged in what they are saying and are interested in hearing more.
5. Encourage others to talk about themselves
Typically, in conversations, there are people who only want to talk about themselves. Have you ever been talking to someone and realized that they didn’t want to hear about you, they just wanted to talk about themselves. Unfortunately, this is all too common. In fact, this is called “conversational narcissism” and describes a conversational situation when a person really isn’t interested in you but just wants to tell you about them. In fact, this type of person might even ask you a question about you, but their motive is really to turn it into a story about them. We all like to talk about ourselves, but listening to the other person and encouraging them to talk about themselves and their interest shows them that you value them and that you are genuinely interested in them (see #1).
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
A sincere compliment speaks volumes. When you sincerely tell someone how you enjoyed the conversation and their company, you communicate to them that they are valuable. In our society, there are millions of people who don’t feel that they have value to anyone. If you can show them that they have value to you just in being who they are, you will win a friend. Be the friend you want to have. Remember, authenticity counts. If you aren’t sincere and genuine, your body language will betray you and the other person will probably figure it out. So smile, look them in the eye, recognize the value they have as a person, and give them a compliment.
Take Away: Pick three of these tips and try to intentionally use them the next time you are speaking with someone you want to know better.